Family Reunions Are Such a Nightmare
by Ventisquear
Summary: Airam and Zevran are going to the big family reunion of all Suranas... Written for the CMDA challenge


_Written for CMDA challenge "meeting of Wardens from different universes". And so Airam was invited to the party at the house of his Sue-ish grandpa Aadishwara (see _The Last Of His Line_, if you want to meet him personally). _

_Amazing Suranas they met there __(with kind permission of their authors)__:_

_Alim from Eva Galana__'s _Beyond the Silvan Paths

_Alim from Wyl's _The Little Hero

_Tannusen from Aroikhin's _Silver and Scarlet

_Neria from Mutive's _Ridiculously Awesome_. _

_Thanks to Brelaina for beta-reading this._

* * *

><p><strong>Family Reunions Are Such a Nightmare<strong>

"I can't believe you talked me into this," howled Airam, halting right in front of the door to the mansion.

Zevran chuckled. "Come _amore_, how terrible can it be? In fact I'm looking forward to meet your relatives. I'm sure they're a charming lot."

"Oh, I don't doubt that... How do I look?"

"Dashing, as usually. Well then. Shall we go in?"

Airam sighed. "All right. But stay near me, all the time, at any cost. You never know what grandpa will come up with."

"True enough." Zevran smiled encouragingly and knocked on the door.

oOo

It was opened by young man, with soft blond hair curling around his face and the most remarkable blue almond eyes. "Another cousin, I see," he grinned at Airam. "But not the same family branch... you must be closely related to Shwara, right?"

"Uhm... yes, Aadishwara Surana is my... grandpa," muttered Air unwillingly. "And you are?"

"Alim. Pleased to meet you." The boy smiled with slight wink. "We are only distant relatives, but we could get closer, if you wish."

"Thanks, but, I, ah... I'm here with Zev," said Airam lamely and the boy turned his attention to him then.

"Perhaps we could get close all together?" He suggested with a sly grin.

Zevran laughed, "Ah, you I like –" but before he could finish it, Airam muttered some apology and dragged him away.

oOo

He had never seen so many elves together. And what marvellous specimen they were! Skins smooth, hair and eyes in all colours of the rainbow and then some, well proportioned slim bodies, delicate hands. They all seemed to have great fun and the great hall was full of their melodic voices, laughing and joking. It was just perfect. For one brief moment.

Then Airam nudged him. "Look at that guy over there - the one with the scar on his face, see the girl with him? Doesn't she look familiar?"

It was easy to see the guy Airam meant, he was the only one with the scar on his face, but it didn't make him any less attractive, he decided. If anything, the young man looked enigmatic and dangerous. The guy noticed Zevran was looking, so he flashed his most seductive smile at him, but the guy just huffed in annoyance and turned to his girlfriend, who... Zevran gasped. The girl looked almost exactly like Leliana. Her hair was bit different shade of red, and he was sure Leliana didn't have any dress like that (and she consulted all her dresses with him, so he should know) – but other than that, she looked just like their friend.

"Perhaps she has a twin sister?" He suggested.

Airam didn't seem so sure. "And look there. That guy – that dangerous looking one, to the left, with silver hair and eyes like the lyrium potion, can you see him? Look who he is with."

That man was also easy to spot and he had to agree with Airam, that man was dangerous. That voice, like silk over steel... it sent shivers down his spine. He then checked the guy next to him. He narrowed his eyes. The man had obviously seen him somewhere before, and was imitating his image in every detail. Even the tattoos were the same.

And there was more; everywhere they turned, there were blond tattooed elves, tanned and sexy and flirting; but there were also guys remarkably similar to Alistair, or Leliana, and even Morrigan, for the Maker's sake.

Airam gulped. "Do you think this is grandpa's idea of joke?"

Zevran shook his head. This would be too much even for grandpa Rashwash. "I am not so sure, _amore_. Perhaps we could ask that gallant boy who opened the door, maybe he'll know what's going on here?"

"Good idea," agreed Airam and turned around, but he couldn't see the handsome elf anywhere, and after a while, he gave up.

"Alim!" He called.

To their horror, at least one third of the men in the room turned to them. "Yes?" they asked in unison.

Luckily, the one they were looking for guessed they meant him and came to them, laughing. "Don't be so shocked. The name Alim is a sort of tradition in some branches of the family," he explained. "The girl version is Neria. Look."

Airam tried to stop him, but Alim didn't listen. "Neria!" He called, and a few dozens of heads turned toward them. Then one of Nerias actually got up and started coming their way.

"Oh... I'm sorry, excuse me for a moment."

Alim vanished – and not just him. Somehow, everyone else suddenly seemed to have business at the other end of the hall, too.

"I think, _amore_, that we should follow their lead, yes?" He asked nervously. Airam nodded, but it was too late already.

"Hm... I haven't seen you around, you just arrived? I hope you aren't as boring as the rest of them? What a horrible party... a girl can't even get bit fun... it's been two hours, and I still didn't have any..."

"Uh, not sure we can help you, we're not interested in..."

"_You're_ not, sweet plum," she said. "But _he's_ bi. _All_ of him are. So we can have a fun in three, no?"

They stared at her, and then Zevran gathered the courage to ask. "What do you mean, all of me?"

"Well, look around – notice anyone with familiar haircut and tattoos?"

Airam snarled. "That's nonsense. They just copied his style. Zevran is famous, he's a Crow, after all –"

Neria laughed. "Could all renegade Crows please raise their hand!" She commanded loudly. All tattooed elves raised their hands, obviously too scared she might come to them if they didn't.

"That – can't be. He's the only one – hired to kill _me_ – I'm the Hero of Ferelden!"

This time the others didn't even wait for a command - almost all Suranas, besides maybe two or three, raised their hands.

"But – but –" Airam was shaking, looking as if was going to collapse any moment. Zevran quickly put arm around his shoulder. "Let's get out of here," he suggested.

oOo

It was beautiful starry night outside, but somehow neither of them felt like looking at the thousands of same-looking stars.

"I feel... somewhat _redundant_," said Zevran weakly.

"It's disgusting, it's as if I was..." started Airam weakly, "oh, I don't know, just a character in a cheap Kirkwallian novel, or something."

Zevran chuckled. "That's quite precise... only the author of mine was probably some Rivaini whore."

"But I don't want to be like that, I want to be real and unique again!" Airam buried his head in Zevran chest, sobs shaking his body. Zevran felt just as desperate, and wondered if they could be happy ever again.

oOo

"Congratulations, fool. This time you really did it. Didn't we have an agreement, no experimenting with your so-called cooking when Wynne is not around?"

"But they will be all right?" Alistair watched the bodies of his friends; even unconscious, they were shaking and crying. Maker's breath, he had never seen Zevran crying before. That must be quite a hallucination they were having.

"'Tis not deadly. Few more hours and they should be fine," said Morrigan. "But if I were you, I would not be here when they find out you seasoned the stew with deathroot…"


End file.
